I have to admit, one Brandon Kinney handed me that title on a silver platter at the concert Saturday night. He was the opening opening act, and he wandered onto the stage wearing a plaid flannel shirt and a backwards baseball cap. It was a promising start.
He sang a total of four songs, before each of which a woman in a bikini top and the tiniest daisy dukes I've ever encountered strutted around the stage waving a big piece of posterboard with "Song 1/2/3/4" written in black magic marker. I swear I'm not making this up.
His first song was an ode to hickdom, creatively titled "We're Hicks."
The second song was about how Jesus must be coming back soon.
The third song was alternately about how good or bad life is and thus he needs a beer.
(Postlude to the third song--bikini girl made an extra appearance to bring him a bottle of beer and mop down his face with a towel.)
And finally, the fourth song was an innuendo-packed love song to a barbecue smoker. This is a direct quote:
I knew I had a winner
When I stuck my meat in her
For the first time.
No, I'm not kidding. And I can assure you that wasn't the worst of it. I can no longer hear the word "barbecue" without twitching.
After all this pain and suffering, we were rewarded with a spectacular performance from Sara Evans. To the persons who planned the concert line-up: she would have been a "real fine place to start," thank you very much.
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